With the hundreds of websites making it easy to find a date, none of these sites are really telling you how to turn the date into a healthy relationships. This takes skill! People say, “It’s about being selfless” – .. ever try that? … doesn’t go well. People also say, “Be the best YOU!” .. Okay, but how? The following are 5 of the top skills for a successful relationship:
Self-Management is really the most important skill of all. It is the foundation that sets the stage for a healthy relationship. It’s really the relationship you have with yourself. One has to be able to take responsibility for one’s own behavior and healthiness. When we blame others for how they “make us feel” we are not acting according to our own system and are easily susceptible to being thrown off our game. Good self-management helps ensure you are not taking things personal when they aren’t and helps us to self-check thoughts and assumptions making sure you are not jumping to conclusions or thinking black and white, as most things are in the gray. Not owning these concepts are at the heart of dysfunction in relationships.
*Good self-management tools are a) looking for your partner’s good intentions before reacting, and being able to discuss problems from a place of “hurt” or “fear” as opposed to waiting until you are “angry” to do so.
Good communication is vital for a relationship to be successful. Most people have good communication skills, but the problem is they do not know how to communication when they are very emotional.
*Good communication skills mean respecting a) one person talking at a time b) refraining from assumptions and accusations and just stating facts c) talking from a place of “soft feelings” like hurt and fear and not talking from a place of unhealthy anger. d) couples needing to validate their partners during arguments especially when they do not agree. There is always a part of what they are saying that you CAN understand and let them know. This keeps the lines of communication open and the content clear and not misunderstood.
Couples want to feel things are getting resolved. *This can mean finding the compromise when possible, taking turns on who gets their way, and making sure the couple doesn’t hold the believe that there is only “one way.” The best way to resolve a conflict is to acknowledge the good and bad of both sides. If couples can do this – they WILL be able to find a solution and problem-solve.
Knowledge Of Partner
*You cannot truly be intimate and healthy without being curious about your partner. And, not just the knowledge of them, but being thoughtful with that information and incorporating what you know into the day to day of how you treat them. Often both partners have different ways they see “being loved.” What is meaningful to your partner? Get a list of 20 things that are free or cheap and strive to do a few of those a day for them. This will ensure an openness and will act as a resilience against getting into parallel lives.
It is great for couples to be able to rely on each other, but it dysfunctional when you are relying on them for basic things that you have not learned to handle alone and your partner is not okay with it. A little codependency can be a good thing, as long as it is out of loving your partner and not out of necessity.
Intimacy and Romance
The best sex organ is the mind! Treating your partner with respect and kindness and listening to what turns them on will go far with intimacy and romance.
If you strive for balance in your life. Not overworking or overplaying you will be able to manage stress. *Look for areas in your life you are avoiding and make sure you push through managing those things, even if it is 15 minutes a day. This way the stress won’t build up. Make sure there is a balance of things you are accomplishing and time for play.
These 5 skills can make you the best partner AND the best you. For more tips sign up for our email newsletter www.CBTIofSoCal.com …