When you first met, things were nicely intense and passionate. The two of you had a spark that ignited into a burning flame. Now after he or she knows you “belong” to him or her, it seems like the house that was built is about to burn down.
In the beginning of the relationship, you saw your partner as smart … but now he seems so arrogant. Initially, he was charming. Now that charm has turned to flirtations with others. You admired his way of doing things … now he has one way of doing things … and it’s his!
Your partner’s confidence in his reality and in how you should be behaving is making you start to doubt yourself. STOP! You don’t have to give in or jump ship yet. You can assert these 5 relationship rights that can balance out your relationship and get it back on track.
Assert the relationship right for ‘Your Own Opinion”
No matter what you do, you have the right to your own opinion. Your partner fell in love with a person, not a ventriloquist puppet. Remember, the “you” he liked was full of your own ideas and opinions. So what if those opinions have changed. Life is movement. Things change. That’s what keeps things interesting.
Assert the relationship right to “Feel How You Feel”
Your feelings are yours. If they weren’t, you would be someone else and not you. If your partner wants a clone or a “mini-me,” have him try to find one. In relationships, “feelings” derive out of good intentions. Understanding how someone feels is getting to know them on a deeper level. Failing to accept your feelings is missing an opportunity for intimacy and closeness.
Assert the relationship right to be “Free from Blame or Accusations”
If the relationship is healthy, you ultimately BOTH want the same thing: to be loving and to support one another. If your partner blames you and accuses you of “making him feel bad,” the relationship becomes about what “you are doing to him” and misses the big picture of both of your good intentions, time spent away from clarifying misunderstandings, and engaging in problem-solving.
Assert the relationship right for “Encouragement and Support” even when your partner doesn’t agree
You are someone’s child … but not your partner’s! A true partner will encourage and support you regardless of their opinions and beliefs. Your partner’s encouragement and support are like fertilizer and water to your soul. His support keeps you growing towards him.
Assert the relationship right to have your “Partner Engaged in Things You Enjoy” even if he normally wouldn’t do them
A partner doesn’t have to FEEL like doing something in order to do it. Sure, it’s preferable to engage in things you both enjoy, but sharing in things your partner enjoys (that you don’t) shows even more love. Joy comes from seeing and experiencing your partner’s joy and happiness. Reciprocity is key to feeling as though you have a true partner. For example, 90 minutes of a “chick flick” or a “guy’s movie” is not a “waste of time” as much as it is an opportunity to “build the relationship.”
In short, Don’t Doubt! You can assert and hold strong to these principles. The right person will “get it,” provided that you assert yourself calmly and directly … not aggressively (we want you to actually be heard)!
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