Micro-Cheating – What it is – How to spot it!


What Is Micro-Cheating

Micro-Cheating relates to the subtle things someone in a relationship can “do” or “say” that opens the door to the possibility of engaging in an infidelity that is emotional or physical. This can entail putting on special cologne or clothing when you know you will see this person, not mentioning your partner in a discussion with others where there may be an attraction, or describing your relationship with your partner to this person in such a way that minimizes it…e.g., “I’m dating some.” or “We hang out.” etc.

Are you or your partner doing it?

Your partner can be doing it in front of you or behind your back. It is important to trust your instinct as information.  The following are some of the most common ways your can spot a micro-cheater:


“You’re Crazy!” If your partner tells you “You’re crazy” when you bring up these potential micro-cheatings , this can be a red-flag because a non-guilty partner is likely to have more empathy/less defensiveness.


“You don’t have to go.” If you partner is too quick to not invite you to events, this can be odd and a flag for micro-cheating. It can show they want options open and/or to seek out some “singles-type” attention. They could be downplaying the relationship to those at the event and want to appear more single than they are.


“Their Phone Makes Them Giddy.” If they are increasingly distracted, animated or smiley on their phone in a way you have not noticed, this could certainly be a flag. Their phone could seem guarded, “needed in the bathroom,” under lock and code, etc. If there is a need for security, there can be things worth hiding.


Micro-cheating can be considered an “over-developed” pattern of behaving to protect yourself from either being too close – or making the wrong decision in a relationship. Though potentially well-intended, the consequences can be less closeness with your partner, guilt, and possible loss of your relationship if things progress.

If you or your partner are giving the impression that you are in a committed relationship, yet either of you are micro-cheating – it can helpful to come to terms with the fact that you cannot try to have roots and wings at the same time without feeling stuck– there is no living thing that embodies both.

If you are mico-cheating or with a partner who is and have questions, do not be afraid to reach out. / 800.317.8010